No is a complete sentence, except……

It’s very important to know your Yes’s and your No’s.  Your Yes’s and No’s are an extension of your inner voice.  Your inner voice is that part of you that is instinctual.  It’s the voice of your higher self and is always right.  These authentic Yes’s and No’s extend from a thought or fleeting feeling, to a full body reaction.

The way I would describe an authentic Yes is the following:  Imagine yourself alone in a room.  This room is calm and quiet.  You look around and the walls are painted in your favorite color.  It’s inviting and feels comfortable and safe.  A smile comes to your face as you immediately feel at home.  As you imagine yourself in this scenario, check your body and notice how your body is feeling.  Are you feeling light?  Restful?  Excited?  What physical sensations are you feeling?

Now let’s do the same thing with an authentic No:  Imagine yourself walking into a room. There is nobody else there except one other person.  This person is someone you can’t stand.  They are rude and obnoxious and you would do anything to not have to converse with them.  You immediately wish you hadn’t walked into the room.  Now check your body.  What is your body feeling this time?  Is it tense?  Flush?  Is your heart beating faster?  Are you anxious?  What are you feeling?

The better you understand what your Yes’s and No’s feel like, the better you will recognize when certain situations are a Yes or a No for you, and the better you’ll be able to choose an appropriate, authentic action.  The actions that follow Yes’s seem to be easier for us to partake.  It’s the No’s that give us problems.

It’s important to understand that No is a complete sentence.   As people pleasers, sometimes it’s difficult to say no.  We get caught up in what the reaction will be for everyone else and we lose sight that it’s more important to be authentic and to honor our true selves.  For ultimately, we have no control over anyone else’s reaction to our No’s.  We can only control the situation from our end.

No is a complete sentence.  Don’t feel obligated to explain why.  You are more than welcome to go in depth if you’d rather, but you don’t really owe anyone an explanation.  When you go into explanations, it’s like admitting that your No is offensive.  That it’s not Ok, unless you have some elaborate reason.  Start with No thank you.  Be polite.  honest.  If you have those pushy people who probe for more, never lie.  Be honest.  You can still choose how in-depth you want to go.  It’s still your prerogative. You can say “It’s just not for me.”  Or “It’s just a personal choice.”  Or “I’m just really not in the mood.”  Or whatever the case may be.

If you’d like the person to know such personal details as to the full extent to why you are saying no, you are more than welcome to share, just don’t feel obligated.  Choose wisely who you let into your inner world.  You don’t owe anyone an explanation.  Stand firm that you are honoring what is right for you.

Sometimes however, it might be a little less black and white.  You might be saying No, but there is a constant dialogue in your head that’s acting more like a debate.  Should I?  Shouldn’t I?  It get’s muddy.  You’d like to for some reasons, but there are other reasons that you’d rather not.  In these cases it’s important to take a moment and really figure out what the Yes part is and what the No part is.  If the Yes part comes on top and in reality it’s something you DO want to do but the No part is more fear based and holding you back, you need to figure that out.

I was invited to go to a Sweat Lodge Retreat a while back.  I had gone before and really enjoyed the experience so I was excited to agree to this one.  Plus I’d get to see some friends I hadn’t seen in a while.  But as the weekend got closer, I started to remember how much work it was preparing for the Sweat itself.  It was three hours of lighting a fire, and setting up the lodge, and it was all outside, with the elements and bugs, and I just got this overwhelming sensation that I really did NOT want to do this again.  So after much debate, I called the person who invited me and told her I would love to come to the retreat and see everyone, but I was going to pass on the Sweat.  She did ask why, but I stuck to “It’s just my personal preference.”  Although I could tell she was confused, she accepted this answer.

So on the way to the retreat I was preparing myself for the certain “Why aren’t you doing the Sweat?” I was sure to get from various sources.  I felt empowered by the knowledge that No is a complete sentence and that I was honoring myself.

The night before the sweat we all got together to have a pre-ceremony intention circle for the Sweat.  It was during this, that I realized that I really DID want to experience the Sweat Lodge!  It was an amazing experience the first time.  I started to get sad that I would be missing out.  So I started to examine why I was saying No.  What I was actually saying No to was the Prepping part.  The three hours of Pre-Sweat Lodge stuff.  So at that moment I had to decide which was stronger.  My wanting to participate in the Sweat, or my not wanting to do all that hard physical stuff before-hand.  As it turned out, I wanted to participate way more than I didn’t want to do all that work.  So what I thought was a No, was actually only a partial No.

So I had to figure out how to make that pre-ceremony part bearable.  So I shifted my focus from it being a pain, to it being my respectful sacrifice in order to experience this amazing gift that would come about inside that Lodge.  Once I shifted the focus, it made the activity much easier to handle.  It was like there was a reward at the end and it was for a purpose.  The spiritual experience I had during that Sweat Lodge Retreat was one I will never forget….and to think, I almost missed out on it!

So it’s important to know your Yes’s and your No’s.  Take each decision one at a time.  If it gets fuzzy, sort it out.  Always be true to what you are feeling.  Honor that part of yourself.  If you don’t, no one else will either.

Remember, If it’s a true No, No is a complete sentence.  Honor your No’s.  Be authentic.

If it’s really a Yes, come to terms with what’s holding you back.  Otherwise you will be missing out on life.


Lori Palmer

Photographer: Joe Altieri


How do you find Happiness?

Digital StillCamera

Happiness is a very vague term that most people use to describe a feeling of bliss.  Where that bliss comes from can vary from person to person. Some people can find that feeling more often than others can.  And for some, that feeling can seem very fleeting and sometimes all-together evasive.

I personally tend to use the word Joy.  Joy seems to have a little bit more weight to it.  A word with a little more substance and meaning.  If I were to ask you when was the last time you felt Joy, you would probably search your memory for a very memorable moment.  A moment that was so blissful, it was worth noting in your minds eye as something worth remembering.  A full body experience.

Young children seem to have a much easier time finding this space of pure joy.  Where their whole being is just gleeful and happy.  Why is that?  The reason is they are care free.  Because of this, they have an easier time being In the moment.  Why is it so difficult for us as adults to be in the moment?  Because we are not care free.

As we get older and have more experiences, we start carrying around the weight of questionable past decisions.  Regret, anger, fear, or any other emotion you can think of that might be haunting you from your past seeps into your daily thoughts and decisions.  Then we have the worries of what’s to come.  The unknown seems to make most people uncomfortable.  We plan and plan and plan in order to prepare for what’s to come.  Our minds are busy busy busy creating future scenarios with each potential decision, even though there is no way to really know if those scenarios will actually happen.  In the end, aren’t we really just guessing?

With all of our weight from the past and worries about the future, no wonder it is difficult for us to be in the moment.  This is a shame because it’s here, in the moment, where we find Joy.  Being present.  When we are present we are fully aware of what is happening around us.  We are aware of our surroundings and with that there is a potential for appreciation.  Who are you with?  What are they doing?  What are they saying?  Are you enjoying their company?  Are you enjoying where you are?  Are you in a restaurant?  Are you enjoying the food?  Are you in nature?  Is it beautiful?  Note the word enjoy.  Joy is built in. You are finding the joy in it.

When you are in the moment (or present), no matter what you are doing, you can always find something about it to appreciate.  Are you driving?  Can you feel the sun coming in through the windshield?  Are you enjoying the music on the radio?  If it’s winter, are you enjoying the heat the car is offering you? etc… Even if it’s the smallest thing.  It’s those small subtle things we tend to miss when our minds are preoccupied, that might make all the difference.

You might have noticed I put the word appreciate in bold.  That’s because this is a very important element about being in the moment that has the potential for bringing about Joy.  If you find things to appreciate about the moment, not only are you aware of what’s happening, you are grateful for it.  You are glad it’s happening.  You are happy about it.  Gratitude opens your heart and allows for the opportunity to experience Joy.

Being present or in the moment and recognizing you are grateful for something is what I would call the Sweet Spot.  As I mentioned in the beginning, the biggest things that prevent us from being present and finding this sweet spot is our struggle to let go of the past and our worries of the future.  Letting go of the past is a part of all of our journeys and is very individual.  It requires looking within and soul searching.  It can be quite a process.  Letting go of our worries about the future requires a kind of acceptance.  An acceptance that there is only so much we have control over.  Both of these are topics I intend to discuss in depth in future blogs.

Right now I’m going to focus on the idea that joy or happiness is found in the present.  In the now.  And it comes from the gratitude we can find in it.  The gratitude we find in today will become wonderful memories for the future.

If you have a hard time getting yourself into the present, try focusing on your breath for the count of 5. You will immediately bring your thoughts from wherever they are into your body, and into the present.

If you are having trouble finding what to be grateful for I recommend a gratitude journal of some kind.  At the end of the day, pick 5 things that you are grateful for that day.  It sounds cheesy, but it actually helps shift your mind from the negative to the positive.  Make a conscious effort to do this every day for a week.  Notice how your perception shifts.  Try it for two weeks.  Keep going.  Your mind will naturally start to focus on what to be grateful for on it’s own.

Being present and practicing gratitude are the keys to finding joy in your every day, which will ultimately become your beautiful, joyful, and happy life.

May your cup always runneth over,

Lori Palmer


There is no such thing as competition

As we go forth in our lives trying to carve a place for ourselves in the business world, it’s very easy to have the worry of competition.  It’s natural to want to be the best at what you do…which you might naturally think means having everyone else be ‘not the best’.   Unfortunately, the reality is, this way of thinking is actually coming from a place you don’t want to be operating from.  FEAR.

This is such a common way of thinking, that it’s foreign to consider the alternative.  If I’m better than everyone else, I’ll be really successful because everyone will want my business.  You know this is where you are coming from when you go networking and run across someone who is in the same field as you are.  Your heart immediately starts to beat faster and you start unconsciously sizing them up.  “Hmmm, competition”.  Should I really talk to them?  Immediately rather than listen to what is being said, your mind is off and running about how you can be better than this person.  You have to be, right?  In order to succeed?

Fear can be a great motivator.  And it’s there for a reason.  In this situation, it’s there merely as a way for you to acknowledge and pay attention to it.  It’s an opportunity to look within and ask yourself “why am I so threatened right now?”.  The emotions that lay may be laying underneath like a diminished sense of self worth, or a lack of confidence, could be the very reasons your business isn’t at it’s full potential.  When you operate from a place of fear you unknowingly create an unavoidable side effect based on the law of attraction.  The energy you put out there is exactly what you are going to get back.

When you focus on lack and the idea that the Universe only has so much room for successful people in your field, you are actually creating just that. That’s the energy you are putting out there.  ‘There isn’t room for the both of us.’  So that is the energy that you are going to get back…. And therefore you are fulfilling your own prophecy of Lack.  What you focus on, persists.  This can make for a very unpleasant working environment.

On the flip side, if you approach this scenario from a place of love.  A place of abundance.  That is the energy you put out there and then that will be the energy you get back.  The Universe is indeed abundant.

Why can’t there be room for everyone to be their best selves and be the best at what they do.  There are so many people in need of your services, why wouldn’t there be enough to make all of your businesses successful?

When you take the idea that there is competition out of your mind, it ceases to exist.  Build your business knowing that there are people who could use exactly what YOU are offering, because it’s the YOU that makes it unique.  Come from a place of abundance.  The people who are meant to see you for what they need, will.  And the people that are meant to see the other guy, will.

So take competition out of the equation.  There is no competition.  There is only you and what you are offering.  If you don’t believe in the quality and necessity of that, no one else will either.  Trust.

There are other upsides to approaching business this way.  You will start looking at your business peers differently and begin to want them to be genuinely as successful as you.  That eat or be eaten tension will disappear and a sense of trust may start to build.  You will find yourself being able to be genuinely happy for others’ successes.  Because you know their success is not attached to your failure.   Networking becomes so much easier.  There is no fear.  Other similar businesses will sense your ease and take notice, as will potential clients.

The Universe is abundant.  So come from a place of abundance.  In the end, there really is no competition.

May your cup always runneth over,

Lori Palmer



Hello and Welcome

This is the first blog post for Diamonds in the Rough.  What I hope to accomplish here is inspiring dialogue between souls.  The topic matter will be rich with thought and in most cases a call to ponder what it means for you.

We are ALL diamonds.  Each and every one of us.  Beautiful, rare, pure, and perfect.  A true gem.  I will direct that metaphor to our souls.  We were born perfect and full of love.  Our surroundings and life thereafter has made it hard to see or feel that at times.  Recognizing that this piece of us is still there and has always been there will save many and comfort most.  We are all diamonds in the rough.  Dusting ourselves off and shedding the pain, and fear that has hidden our true selves will be our most important thing we do in our lifetime.   This is our Journey.

In addition to thought provoking blogs, I will also post tidbits of a variety of things to help you become your most authentic selves.  Whether it be related to nutrition, energy, life, holistic approaches, or the like.  Bringing ourselves back to the basics and getting in touch with our bodies and our emotions will be the intent.

I’m so excited to begin.  Join me in my journey and hopefully it will help you on yours.